


Illogical

by LokiOfSassgaard



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-02
Updated: 2011-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-28 07:25:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6320008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiOfSassgaard/pseuds/LokiOfSassgaard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five things that Sherlock finds positively annoying about John, and one he can live with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Illogical

That Sherlock should find John annoying is really no surprise. Sherlock finds everyone annoying, for every conceivable reason (and some that would have never occurred to anyone).

But what really does it, where John is concerned, is the sighing. Needless, endless, constant sighing. He sighs when he does the dishes. He sighs when he orders supper. He sighs when he finds Sherlock’s experiments, which have been labelled and put away in exactly the way John has demanded they be.

Always sighing. It doesn’t even accomplish anything. He doesn’t say anything when he sighs. He just deflates a bit, sighs, and gets on with whatever he was doing. Sherlock has tried to tell him to stop, but all that does is makes John sigh again.

It’s completely ridiculous, distracting, and a waste of oxygen.

 

It’s no secret that John is more than a little inept when it comes to matters of technology. Anyone who’s read his blog and seen the posts he still doesn’t know how to delete knows this fact about him.

And it’s still maddening. How can anyone in this age not know how to use a basic website? The man is a doctor. He’s supposed to be educated. Surely he’d set hands on a computer before being invalided home. He must have done.

Yet, there’s evidence to suggest technology in general is very new to him. Six times now, he’s changed his password to keep Sherlock out of his laptop, and had to ask Sherlock to hack into it again because he’d forgotten the new password. One in three text messages is sent before he’s actually finished composing it (which takes an abysmally large amount of time as it is). Neither of them is still quite certain how it happened, but John has managed to brick their router twice since he moved in. He doesn’t even know how to access it.

Not that he’d want to, for fear of what he might find saved to the desktop, but he’s been completely banned from using Sherlock’s laptop. He tried to ban Sherlock from using his, but after two days, he had to admit that it does tend to run better after Sherlock steals it.

 

He keeps washing the towels in the bathroom. Not as in, once a week, or even once a fortnight, but after every use. It’s not efficient. Sherlock can understand washing the towels after he uses them to clean up chemical spills in the kitchen, or after the time he used one to carry home roadkill. Those are perfectly valid and rational reasons for washing a towel.

But why on Earth would you wash a towel after you’ve used it to dry yourself off from the shower? It’s completely illogical. You’ve just showered. Presumably, you know how to wash yourself, and are therefore clean, so the water you’re drying up is also clean. Ergo, you are washing a clean towel. Who does that? Not even Mrs Hudson washes the towels after she showers.

There are days when Sherlock is particularly busy, and winds up having to t ake several showers. He likes to be able to dry himself after these showers, but it is incredibly difficult when someone has come in and taken the towel.

Getting in the habit of keeping his towel in the bedroom hasn’t helped. He remembers to take it there with him, but hasn’t seemed to get into the habit of fetching it again before he showers. This has had the unintended consequence of leaving no towels for John to wash, and Sherlock is content to watch him scramble round the flat, looking for them all.

 

He keeps beer in the flat. Sherlock has never liked beer, but it’s not the beer itself that bothers him. It’s what happens when the beer that John keeps in the flat is consumed. John rarely drinks alone, which is completely understandable, given his family history. He also doesn’t consider drinking with Sherlock any better.

What he is in the habit of doing is inviting his old army buddies round to the flat so they can drink his beer . And that is the problem Sherlock has with keeping beer in the flat. They could very easily go out to a pub, or go round to one of the army buddies’ flats. Instead, they come to Baker Street, where they are not only loud, but they mess with his things, crowd way too close to him, and even try to peer pressure him into drinking with them. Seriously, they’re all like a bunch of over grown primary school children, with ridiculous facial hair and libidos that won’t quit.

Hiding in his room isn’t much better, as all it does is confines him to an even smaller space. And going out doesn’t help, because unless there’s a case on, there’s not much to do that doesn’t have the habit of getting him into trouble.

Finding ways to explode the cans of beer John keeps in the flat is most definitely not an option, as he learned very early on.

 

John cannot seem to get fired from his job. Nor does he seem to want to quit. Sherlock preferred when he was just getting by on his pension. They don’t actually need the extra money, and he’s even tried to tell John as much, but he’s got this damnable sense of pride that keeps him thinking that he has to be doing something useful.

But he was doing something useful before he got the job. He was doing everything that Sherlock couldn’t be bothered to do. He was giving Sherlock a sounding board for his own thoughts. He was helping catch serial killers.

Sherlock hates that John is always at his job, because it keeps him away from the job he had before. If he can’t manage to get John fired by the end of the week, he’s resolved to go to Mycroft. He doesn’t want to go to Mycroft, but some things are just more important than some six-year-old with a stuffy nose.

 

He’s an idiot. His conclusions are never correct, his investigations are always down the completely wrong path, and he wouldn’t know useful evidence from a hole in the groun d (even when that evidence was a hole in the ground).

Regardless of what a certain Detective Sergeant may say Sherlock has had other colleagues. He’s had other people follow him blindly through London, talking to witnesses, and doing all the things Sherlock couldn’t be bothered to do. And that’s all they’d do. They wouldn’t see something and insist on investigating it, or even try to draw their own (wrong) conclusions from the evidence at hand.

John does.

His conclusions are wildly off the mark, his hypotheses never make any sense, and his idea of what makes a good suspect is severely lacking. But in doing this, he finds all of the wrong and irrelevant data and puts it out of the way so that Sherlock can focus on what’s actually going to solve the case. He gets everything wrong so that Sherlock can get everything right.


End file.
